"You Light Up My Life.". Organized in groups of 10. A: Rat pack. These curses were always absurd, and many of them involved yaks, as in: "May an unclean yak sit on your dinner." "May a sick yak leave a gift in your sock drawer." "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your . Function: view, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/index.php Story. Q: What do you get when you squat on a rosy red fire? 2004 upper deck baseball cards. A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G. The Question: Where did Jen Psaki go when she resigned as Obidens Press Secretary? The funny story above is a satire or parody. A: Shareholder. The Question: What is the new slogan at Taco Bell? A: Fun with Dick and Jane. In fact, had Bilaam been successful in his attempt to curse us, the Jewish people would have been destroyed, G-d forbid. (Joke only good for Central Mississippi folks). Q: What should be posted on Howard Cosell's tongue? #10. Q: What are good directions to a urologist's office? Q: What noise do sheep make when they laugh? A: Putting on the dog. The famous sage and soothsayer, all-knowing, all-seeing, all-omniscient, a weekend proctologist, and former Twitter advisor for President Donald J. Trump. Carnac the Magnificent was one of the most popular recurring roles that Johnny Carson played on his show in 1964. The Answer: A lawyer with his brief case. Question Man. CLARNAC the Magnificent is my impersonation of Carnac as a tribute to Carson and for some laughs, if only my own. Q: What did Yul Givens give after eating a prune tree? A: Planter's Punch. Q: What's the one thing Sammy Davis is not wearing around the Denver Nuggets. Paul Rosenzweig, George Washington University law professor and former deputy assistant secretary for policy in the Department of Homeland Security, told Yahoo News via email it reminded him of Johnny Carson's "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch "where he knows the . "Opens envelope for question: "Name two hockey players and a hockeypuck. The Question: What instructions do you get when your proctologist used to be a photographer? Q: What does the Tidy Bowl man yell when he hears flushing? Click image to enlarge. Carnac the Magnificent, in which Carson played a psychic who clairvoyantly divined the answer to a question contained in a sealed envelope. Q: Name three things on the endangered species list. Q: When you do get from a near-sighted rabbi? Q: What happens when your lorne rots? I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. One was a bottle with a message in it that read, "Help! Ed: I hold in my hand the envelopes. Actually, I have to admit reading it in the book "Superman: Last Son ofKrypton" (which is [very] loosely based on the movie) in which Lex Luthor(responding to the question "You told me your second favorite pastime.What's first?") [2] As Allen acknowledged in his book The Question Man, this bit had been created in Kansas City in 1951 by Bob Arbogast and used on The Tom Poston Show in New York where it eventually ended up on The Steve Allen Show, much to the surprise of both Arbogast and Allen. Another that I heard last night on the syndicated "Carson's Comedy Classics": "May the Swami of Baghdad squat on your fez", "May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister! this year? A: The ZIP Code. Question Man". One of his characters, "Carnac the Magnificent," drew on his early entertainment work as a magician in Nebraska. I note with amusement the "Fuck Your Feelings" crowd's epic hissy-fit stompy-foot meltdown over the fact that I referred to Trump's "Diaper Valet" in a tweet yesterday. ED: I liked that but I seem to be the only one. Related Topics. A: "Coming home." So that when Balak brought Bilaam to the mountaintop so that he could view the Jews encamped down below and cast a curse upon them (see Numbers 23:28), Bilaam was moved to bless the Jewish people instead and to say, Mah Tovu Oholecha Yisrael How goodly are your tents, O Jacob , a blessing referring specifically to our beautiful Batei Keneses (Houses of Prayer) and Batei Midrash (Houses of Study). A: Damnation Alley. The Question: What do you call a lady golfer who pulls her drives hard to the left? A: Once is not enough. Q: What looks delicious, quivers all over and can't talk? A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. A: "The Dumplings." No more years! , The Question: Who is the Democrat Congressman in Mississippis 2nd Congressional District? In article <42@kestrel.ARPA> t@kestrel.ARPA writes: > Comedic or not, "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" is. Its hard to divine when you cant see. CARNAC: May a diseased yak drop his cud in your hooped grenade? questions having never May your enemies get cramps in their legs as they dance on your grave. A: The Rock of Gibralter. Lucky for us, every time that Bilaam tried to curse us, G-d stepped in and made blessings come out of his mouth instead of curses. and Supermanreplies "Johnny Carson, 1967" to which Lex remarks "Right. ANSWER: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. Falling in Love Again (1980) with Susannah York, The Hollywood Knights (1980 . Johnny Carson Carnac the Magnificent replica prop hat. share. I've often used Carnac in my work, pretending to be him, when confronted with the unknowable, the unanswerable, the irrational questions for which no reasonable responses are going to solve the problem. A: Rosy red cheeks. Q: Describe the sound you make when you break loose from a As Carnac, Carson wore a large feathered turban and a cape. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the east" who could psychically "divine" unseen answers to unknown questions. Q: What's an Orange County toothpaste? ", Jan Elliott AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel, NJ .hounx!jansz. Q: When will you get to work going 55 miles an hour? doctors. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof. If a joke (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience (such as "May your favorite daughter be featured in NFL Films' Sack of the Week", "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your jacuzzi", "May you walk a mile under a diseased camel", "May a demented deer lock horns with your daughter's Kawasaki", "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person seated next to me, and may his arms be too short to scratch", "May a diseased camel be sick on your prayer rug", or "May your proctologist be a frustrated concert trombonist"). dee? [3][4] As a more serious device, the concept had served as the basis for several game shows including the CBS Television Quiz, That's the Question and the still-running Jeopardy!, which aired on NBC for much of Carson's run on Tonight. the memoirs of Richard Nixon. Here are a few of his curses: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your sister. Clarnac: (Glares at Ed) Clarnac is supposed to be the funny guy. There are more than 10 alternatives to Carnac for Mac, Windows, Linux and Xfce. Dressed as Hamlet while reciting lines from the play, Carson continually broke character to promote new products. A: Fondue. Browse more quotes by famous person's name. Clarnac: This crowd is tougher than a camel pot roast. At the same time, Eves curses also seem to have been reverted. proctologist. A: The four musketeers. A: A nine foot base with two feet of powder. A: Kaleidoscope. Ed: Often times, thats exactly what Clarnac gets. (Dr. Wuhan) , The Question: What is Kamala Harris approval rating? Q: What did Sonny Bono used to be? Q: Name an address Anita Bryant will never have. Reviewed in the United States on April 2, 2015. So how does this connect to the weekly Torah portion, you ask? QUESTION: What does the president of Nestea use when his May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. In 1987, Myrtle Young came on The Tonight Show to show off her rare collection of potato chips. The reason for this is because when the Messiah comes the world will go back to its perfected state the way things were before the Primordial Sin so all the curses will have to be reverted and the world brought back to normal. A: A man with a mistress and a Russian Olympics judge. (Wait for it! May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. Q: What have the oil companies given our wildlife? , The Question: What is the oath of office for all politicians? Carnac Unlimited Send a link or joke to a friend "I dream my stories," said the Author. A: Black and white and twenty feet tall. A: Children under 16 not admitted unless accompanied by Q: Describe a stoned bowling team. Sunday, 16 December 2018. Q: What's the only thing President Carter didn't promise Q: How does Howard Cosell call his toupee? A: You asked for it. Q: Name a Fudd, a Mudd and a dud. Q: Describe Mick Jagger's nose. Wilbur, Orville, and Wright. While all were memorable, its her duet with Carson thats particularly unforgettable. I used a couple of small binder clips to make it snugger so it would not fall off. It was named in honor of the ancient Hagia Sophia in Constantinople and played a crucial role . Q: Name two rams and a goat. Q: What would you find in Superman's bathroom? Food is produced in abundance with machines that allow just a few people to operate massive farms with ease. A: Pat and Debby Boone. In this memorable skit, Carson and Betty White stripped down to their skivvies to reenact the divorce proceedings for humanitys first couple. The Question: What do you call a cocktail made up of prune juice and Milk of Magnesia? Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be? Commissary. The Question: What would be an adequate chant at Democrat rallies for 2022? [1] "How you must dread going to bed!" exclaimed Cynic. CARNAC: May a bag of Pop Rocks explode in your shorts. Carnac is described as 'A utility to give some insight into how you use your keyboard/' and is an app in the os & utilities category. Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. Q: How would a wino see the three musketeers. Q: How much time has Governor Brown spent in California The Question: What are Kim Kardashians measurements? B. Q: What do you hear when you put an amplifier in your gunga? A: Bambi, the White House grounds and the new TV season. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. QUESTION: What does an alligator get on welfare? Is that about right, sir? Clarnac: This crowd was applaud for a train wreck. The Question: Name three famous puppets. sister. Q: Where do New Yorkers put their dogs muzzles? A: Eight is enough. The Question: Whats the difference between a dollar bill and LeBron James? The character was introduced in 1964. A: A broken water pipe, Telly Savalas and Chuck Barris. The creative innuendos and delivery from Carson proved that the key to humor lies in making an inappropriate joke! , The Question: What is the longest sentence in the world? Shriver. The resulting jokes often involved puns or wordplay; for example, "The La Brea Tar Pits" was the answer to "What do you have left after eating the La Brea Tar Peaches? Q: Where won't you see Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor? A: Clean air, a virgin and a gas station open on Sunday. Icons & Idols Hollywood (#1212) 12/01/2011 9:00 AM PST CLOSED! -- Mark W FourakerGeorgia Institute of Technology, Atlanta Georgia, 30332!{akgua,allegra,amd,hplabs,ihnp4,seismo,ut-ngp}!gatech!gitpyr!grampa. Get Image May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. CARNAC: May a carsick mongoose change the color of your May a carsick camel moisten your Egg McMuffin. A: Ultra-conservative. . Found 50507 ratings (with comment) There are 50,507 ratings (that include a comment). Get Image Page 1 of 4 The character was introduced in 1964. Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. A: Ransack. Q: What do you call a military coup led by General Currently showing results page 1,636 of 2,021. Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. A: KKK, IRS, UCLA. pre built n scale train layouts. stardew valley weapon tier list; mississippi state treasurer . Here's how it played out on air. drip. A: The Orient express. Q: What do cannibals find hard to digest? A: Sueeee, sueeee. A: "The Front." The Question: Describe how marriage is a 3-ring circus? Q: What did Jimmy Carter's mother call his first baby Line: 68 Q: On a cold morning what forms on your david? May the bluebird of happiness twiddle your bits. A: Jello and "Charlie's Angels." ), The Question: Who is the largest conservative in the Republican Party? Show"? violence? A: R-O-L-A-I-D-S. The best alternative is Screenkey, which is both free and Open Source.Other great apps like Carnac are Key'n'Stroke , KeyCastr, KeyPress OSD and Mousepos. After displaying a chip that looked like a pear, Myrtle turned away just long enough for Carson to crunch down on one of her priceless potato creationsor so it seemed. . hair". lizard. Q: How do you say "Good morning" to your diddly ED: Certainly worth waiting for Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. sister. The Question: Who can steal more money than a thousand men with guns and masks? Q: What noise does Mr. McMahon's liver make? Q: What do you call a French drink made with champagne and Starring: Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon; Directed by: Bobby Quinn; The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson - Show Date: 05/24/84. kaleido? alley? , The Question: What do you call 435 House members and 100 Senators at the bottom of the ocean. I forgot aboutyour total recall. The Answer: No more years! Saint Sophia Cathedral is a UNESCO World Heritage Site and one of the most significant landmarks of Kiev, Ukraine. Q: Name the only three things you can afford to eat After Carnac entered and stumbled, Ed would continue as follows: "I hold in my hand the envelopes. A long running bit on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show.Carson would appear in a turban and cloak as "Carnac the Magnificent" . Q: What do you call dressing up as a tree? As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed and kept in a #2 size mayonnaise jar on Dr. Faucis porch since noon today. Q: Name a fawn, a lawn and a yawn. Oh, I forgot! Q: Which floor wax was used by the Three Mile Island $12.37 delivery Tue, Mar 7 . One of those that I remember was "May a diseased yak marry your sister!" "May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup." Q: Name two movies and a suppository. Watch now: Free with ads. We have in the building tonight that great visitor from the East. A: Eleven. A: Revenge of the Pink Panther. They've been kept in Zippo? The curses were basically middle eastern curses and would not be considered politically correct today. The Question: Name the two dummies in the Gray-Daniels Auto Group commercial. Kentucky: The state that is being dragged, kicking and screaming, into the 20th century. The segment included several running gags. sister's hope chest. A: E.S.T., P.M. and B.M. CARNAC: May a swarm of gay chiggers open a disco on your Adam and Eve had more problems than that forbidden apple. The Question: Describe the U.S. economy under the Obiden administration. , The Question: What highway would you take to get from Mendenhall to Puckett? Curses, Curses, Curses . . Line: 107 . The Johnny Carson Show. Are you sure you want to cancel your membership with us? A: Timbuktoo. The Answer: Confused, weak, feeble, and uncertain. . Legal experts contacted by Yahoo News said the idea of Trump telepathically declassifying government documents is absurd. The Answer: Big Ben, Dak Prescott, and a politicians campaign promises. May all your fine teeth get mad and bite off your nose.May you own a hotel with a thousand rooms and you be found dead in each one.May you have many daughters, who all marry [some sort you generically don't like]. QUESTION: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk. Johnny would don an . Or are you just happy to see me? nowadays. Q: Where should you address all your mail? The Question: What is Kamala Harris strange path to the presidency? A: Superbowl. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically"divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Q: What do you get on your fon if you leave it out all A: Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. Q: What do you say when calling your quat? Q: What's the name of a drive-in massage parlor? CARNAC: May a weird holy man light a Roman candle in your Ed McMahon would hand Carson a series of envelopes containing questions, said to have been hermetically sealed and kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnallsporch since noon today.. , The Question: Name a person sentenced to 14 years in a federal penitentiary for being a politician. He would then answer the question sealed inside the envelope. A: "Sorry bub, no pub." A: The Newlywed Game. Q: Name a bake-off, a hiccough and a ripoff. "Johnny: "It was so cold, the politicians had their hands in their ownpockets. Q: Who will they find sooner than Jimmy Hoffa? . I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. but you, in your divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these Q: What does a president look for in a singles bar? The Answer: A condor, a bald eagle and a snail darter. The Question: How did the dinosaurs become extinct? -- -------------------------------------------------------------"they forcibly extracted the word 'but' from his vocabulary, and locked him in a room with 10 economists"-------------------------------------------------------------. Images tagged "johnny carson". "carnac the magnificent" Memes & GIFs. A: Trapper John. May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. Q: How many hospitals has Evil Knievel been in? One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. CARNAC: May a crazed sultan force you into mouth-to-mouth A: 2001. May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup. . https://www.torchweb.org, Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston, Please Patronize Our Calendar Advertisers - Full Listing. car industry. "A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G.Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H?A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo.Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be?A: Zippo Marx.Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your Zippo?A: Touchback.Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches you?A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo.Q: What do you call a military coup led by General Kitchy Kitchy?A: Big Ben, Joe Namath and a candidate's campaign promises.Q: What is a clock, a jock and a crock.Answer: Sis Boom BahQuestion: What sound does a sheep make when it explodes?Name what offence someone should automatically get the death sentence:Johnny: Whoever told squirrels they were good at crossing the road!Ed: Yassir ArafatJohnny: Yassir Arafat(envelope opening)Johnny: What's the sound made when Dolly Parton removes her bra?Johnny: "It was so cold outside"Audience: "How cold was it? It is entirely fictitious. A: Baja. CARNAC: May a weird doctor join you at the hump of a camel. The Phantom of the Opera, The Lion King, and Donald Trumps mouth. So I created my own character, CLARNAC the Magnificent and created my own material as a tribute and for my own amusement. Ron Toth, Jr., Proprietor 72 Charles Street Rochester, New Hampshire 03867-3413 Phone: 1-603-335-2062 Email: ron.toth@timepassagesnostalgia.com My daughter-in-law, may she live to be a hundred and twenty, and may she haveto live all her years in *her* daughter-in-law's house. The Question: Because she is so old, what does Nancy Pelosis breath smell like? The Question: What does Stacy Abrams call Tuesday? Is that a reptile? Watch Carson episodes every night on Antenna TV at 10:00PM ET / 7:00PM PT and 4:00PM ET / 1:00AM PT!Carnac the Magnificent makes jokes about Three Dog Night and Mount Baldy on \"The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson\" in 1974.JOHNNY CARSON PLAYLISTSAnimals http://bit.ly/carson_animalsBloopers http://bit.ly/carson_bloopersCarnac http://bit.ly/carson_carnacCelebrities http://bit.ly/carson_celebritiesChristmas http://bit.ly/carson_christmasComedians http://bit.ly/carson_comediansMonologues http://bit.ly/carson_monologuesSkits http://bit.ly/carson_skitsMusic http://bit.ly/carson_musicFOLLOW JOHNNY CARSONYOUTUBE: \"Subscribe\" http://bit.ly/johnnysubYOUTUBE MAIN MENU: http://bit.ly/johnny_menuYOUTUBE PREMIUM: http://youtube.com/johnnycarsontvFACEBOOK: \"Like\" http://fb.com/johnnycarson TWITTER: http://twitter.com/#!/JohnnycarsonGOOGLE+: http://bit.ly/johnnygplusJOHNNY CARSON IS AVAILABLE ON:ITUNES http://bit.ly/johnnyitunesDVD: http://bit.ly/carsondvdsAMAZON: http://bit.ly/amzn_carsonGOOGLE PLAY: http://bit.ly/carson_gplay\"carnac on three dog night and mount baldy\" \"three dog night\" \"mount baldy\" \"johnny carson\" \"johnny carson youtube\" \"tonight show\" \"johnny carson show\" comedy \"best of johnny carson\" Carson \"johnny carson best moments\" \"the best of johnny carson\" \"johnny carson theme song\" \"best of carson\" \"the tonight show with johnny carson\" \"tonight show johnny carson\" \"tonight show band\" \"jonny carson\" \"carnac the magnificent\" \"carnac\" \"johnny carson carnac\" \"humor\" \"hilarious\" \"funniest moments\" \"video clip\" \"live tv\" A: 2001. Q: Who old do you have to be to date Princess Margaret? The Question: What are three things less endangered than our freedom? As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. CARNAC: May a weird holy man drop a cactus down your CARNAC: May your wife give mouth-to-mouth resusitation to As well, Eve was cursed that her husband should rule over her (see Genesis ibid), yet with the Womens Rights movement this has changed in a big way. I'm Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carson 's desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). A: Hickory Dickory Dock. A: Groundhog. be sending Georgia soon? skirt. Q: Why didn't Mrs. Franklin have any kids? A: Buddy Holly. , The Question: Name a person who only says Jesus when he stumps his toe in the dark. Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Q: Describe two people who like to cheat. Audience reaction played a major role in the skit. A: The eye of a frog, the wing of a fly and the throat of a The Question: What is the name of Trumps new Vodka?