1. Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. Because I'm going to come after you aggressively and probably leave a ball mark. Spread your legs a little more. You can enjoy both of them even if youre terrible at it! It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. Spread your legs shoulder width, that's the first step to a successful golf swing. I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. How Long Does It Take to Play 18 Holes of Golf? The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. Andy to ave a water golf ball retriever for the round with you! I'll let you beat me. Michael Connelly, The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. A golf ball can be driven 300 yards. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. 2. Joe Tessitore, The least thing upset him on the links. Your second mental problem is concentration. Your email address will not be published. It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. 8. Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. 7. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. Share these images with quotes about funny golf with family, friends, mates, colleagues, and all your acquaintances. "Golf is like a love affair. Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. 20. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. Man: "Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass." A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. I give him the driver. clubs. And it's damn funny. I promise to lick your balls clean and polish your shaft before and after each use during the upcoming golf season. P.G. Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. Whats the easiest shot to make in golf? Your competitors are not allowed to hinder you, as they are in other sports. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. The cat crawls out at night to smoke them and we are trying to get him to quit. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". With trust, it feels like you and your golf club are partners dancing as one. P-U-T-T is correct, the instructor replied. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. Knock, knock Weve all been humbled by this game and have learned that a sense of humor can be the most important club in the bag. / It is a gait he only knows / When he has on his golfing clothes. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. Fore! Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. 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Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. How about grabbing two of your friends so we can play a foursome? So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. You "Putt" Me In A Great Mood. 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. How many strokes was that? Gerald Ford, If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all? I have 10 sons, one more and I will have my own football team., To which the Mormon replies, You fellas aint got a clue. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. Toggle Navigation Menu . First and foremost, you must have confidence. 5. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls. The end. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. Originally posted by raffa nunyez. The Dalai Lama himself. Whats the best quality in a golf partner? 19. What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? "If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.". You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? Lighten up, golf is just a game after all. 3. You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. P. G. Wodehouse, The difference between a good golf shot and a bad one is the same as the difference between a beautiful and a plain woman a matter of millimeters. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. He attacks it. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" Who do golfers pay tribute to on the 4th of July? They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Ray Floyd, 41. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. Although the same can be said of the rest of the items on this list, just reading the quote doesn't really do justice to its comedic value. GOLF DIGEST MAY EARN A PORTION OF SALES FROM PRODUCTS THAT ARE PURCHASED THROUGH OUR SITE AS PART OF OUR AFFILIATE PARTNERSHIPS WITH RETAILERS. A lot of Seniors love playing golf and also, they love jokes. That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. You're like an ugly dog-leg, but I'd still like to tee off. I give the ball some sweet talk. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. Whos there? Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the On a golf course, nature is neutered. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! Always keep learning. To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Not just in the game, but that can be applied to life, relationships and ones mindset. Twelfth son of the Lama. Like a PGA Tour pro once said to his pro-am partners, youre not good enough to get angry. So dont even try it. Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Raymond Floyd. I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. I'm known on the tour for having a lengthy club. If you break 80, watch your business.". Mini Golf Captions. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); But you cant just forget not to think. had to choose, right ? Of course, says the old man, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.. Fear comes in two packages fear of failure, and sometimes, fear of success. Tom Kite, 21. Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. All of them. Why dont grasshoppers play golf? Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. "Golf is my profession. Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing. Its almost a law. 5. The means are as important as the ends. Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? Tiagra. Your butt reminds me of St Andrews.. Hard and Firm. Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you. Arnold Palmer, 65. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan, 56. No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. Golf is a game that is special and unique in that there is always something to learn. Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf Dirty Golf Sayings. How I Lost Weight Playing Golf & Other Golf Benefits, Golf And Fitness Tips from a TPI Golf Fitness Instructor, How to Improve Your Handicap and Golf Game, How To Know What Golf Club to Use on the Golf Course, Goal Setting is a Great Way to Improving Your Golf Game, Best Putters for Women 2023 Find the Best Ladies Putters, Black Friday and Cyber Monday Golf Discounts. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots but you have to play where it lies. Bobby Jones, 23. Steve Alten, Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. You look like someone who likes to swing. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. Kurt Philip Behm, The reason they call it golf is that all the other 4 letter words were used up. but I can show you what is! Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? The other 20. Get in the hole! document.getElementById("copyright_year").innerHTML = new Date().getFullYear(); We do our best to represent colors accurately, but viewing screens vary from one to another, and from real life. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes the difference. Anonymous, 34. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. Knock, knock The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. I stepped on a rake. Jack Burke, Every golfer worthy of the name should have some acquaintance with the principles of golf course design, not only for the betterment of his game but for his own selfish enjoyment. Showing 1 to 56 of 56 entries Click me to show the form! I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!. You okay with that? Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? Two couples were enjoying a competitive, best-ball match wives against husbands with the losers buying lunch and a libation. I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be a grandslam? If we weren't, we'd take up a less infuriating hobby, like knitting. Why don't golfers ever eat pie? Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. Whats the difference between the g-spot and a golf ball? You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. 2. On the Green In Two. When is it too wet to play golf? The greatest single lesson to be learned from golf is mental discipline. Louise Suggs, 51. Hi there! A great golf course both frees and challenges a golfers mind. Tom Watson, 7. Figure out your weakness and dont make it your weakness anymore. Stacy Lewis, 60.